So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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