just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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