Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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