So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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