I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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