DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
