I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
