it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
