We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
