I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
