Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
