You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
