it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I supernannyed him into submission
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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