I looked at my own cervix.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
