i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
