Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
