my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
