i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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