I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
