"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
