Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
