i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
