Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
