Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
