How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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