Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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