that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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