i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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