ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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