Walk of Shame. In a state park.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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