No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
