We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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