i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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