I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
false alarm. still invincible.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
