Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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