my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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