i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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