So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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