she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
