she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
