We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
