It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
