Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
