i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
