I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
