Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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