Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
