Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
