Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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