I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
